Pray that these bugs quit visiting me.
I found this drowned on my front porch the other day. I think it’s a praying mantis. I haven’t left the house in weeks.
(Peaceful Sunday morning, average American kitchen. Child has just eaten two bowls of Cheerios and mother has just eaten two pieces of American cheese with a large cup of Diet Mountain Dew. They decide to walk into the office to check on the mother’s FarmVille Farm and watch Sesame Street online. Mother sits down in chair facing computer and seats Child in lap.)
Mommy, what’s that?
(points to wall behind Mother’s chair)
(keeps eyes on computer screen as she slowly turns around)
Baby, that’s just the window–
(turns around fully to see the following)
(screams and grabs child and runs out of the room)
Okay, I added the spotlight on the picture for dramatic effect. But seriously, I died a lot when I saw that. I think it was a silverfish but MONSTER is a better term. Also, the worst line from that wiki article:
Silverfish can be found anywhere in office areas and homes including, but not limited to…electrical appliances where food can be found, such as computer keyboards.
OHMYFUCKINGGOD WHY WOULD WIKIPEDIA SAY THAT?? You know why? Some asshole wrote that article because you are only accessing Wiki FROM YOUR COMPUTER AT THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU ARE MOST VULERNABLE AND CREEPED OUT. Damn, I hate that guy.