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Tag Archives: food

Fatty McBitchalot


At the risk of sounding like a pig, I hate getting ripped off when I order food.  We ordered dinner from a local chain called Joe’s to Goes.  This is what we ordered:

Twenty *AMERICAN* Dollars!

Now, in retrospect, I guess it never said anything about it being for a family.  But a full rack of ribs, even the diminutive baby back ribs, is excessive for one person to eat.  But this is what arrived:

Full rack of ribs with a shot of cole slaw and baked beans.  They forgot the fries, by the way.

Also, am I the fucking Queen of England or something?  I’m in my pajamas.  I’m watching cartoons.  I do not need a $20 individual meal.  A $20 meal should require pants.

Also, the delivery driver, who received 20% tip on his big one mile delivery, was a confrontational jerk when he had to return and actually deliver the fries 30 minutes after the food got here.   So basically, I had some mediocre ribs.  The sides were disgusting, so maybe that was their plan to begin with.  4oz of terrible canned beans that you wouldn’t want to eat anyway and mayonnaise with a sprig of cabbage in it. 

The kids got hot dog meals and they were huge; I cut it in half and they ate one hot dog between them.  I’m not going to get into some discussion about portions and healthy food, but as a parent, are you kidding me?  Look at this:


Yes, that is a 7″ hot dog.  I should have gotten a girth measurement because that thing was huge.  That is a kids’ meal?  I’m actually so annoyed I’m not going to make an obligatory wiener joke.  I know, right?

Photo Dump: Blast from the Past Edition, Part 2


Two of my many loves: food and art.  Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always loved.


Never gets old.

1. Ramen, cooked traditionally and then drained.  Peanut butter, peanuts, green onions, lime juice and cock sauce.   No cilantro or bean sprouts because I didn’t have any that day.


Escargot. No es cargo.

2. My dad grew these monsters in our pond and my…uncle in law?  I guess uncle is the appropriate term.  Anyway, my uncle used to harvest them and sell them to restaurants.  Probably Asian restaurants because I can’t really picture that guy selling snails to some fancy Euro/French restaurants but you never know.




3. Damn, I’m hungry.  I haven’t made egg rolls in years.



Dog in repose.

Sac à dos De l’étage

4.  I used to draw stuff that was identifiable.   Now, not so much.  Mr. Gallo, I miss you and your mustache and Jr. High Art II.     (Those pictures are from high school, and my jr high work was probably superior to that.  I’m the Benjamin Button of art.)





Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
It doesn’t suck being thirty-three,
Happy Birthday to me.

My birthday was pretty fucking awesome, actually.  Peaceful for the most part.  I have to say that Joshua is and has always been horrible on other people’s birthdays.  I think he just can’t stand that people other are allowed to have special days.  Birthdays, anniversaries and Mother’s/Father’s day are SPECIAL DAYS.  So, with the full mind that my otherwise neato kid was probably going to be kind of a turd, I had an exceptionally fantastic day.

1.) I got my McDonald’s breakfast in bed.  This is standard for my birthday and Mother’s Day because while the Mr. can cook, he sure as hell can’t clean and I hate chores.

2.) I got amazing gifts that really surprised me:

Now you know all of my secrets.

I have, since I was a child, been a huge fan of Gone with the Wind.  I saw the movie when I was a kid and of course I thought it was fantastic and romantic.  Then I read the book and was blown away.  I’ve seen documentaries about it and most recently this amazing PBS documentary on Margaret Mitchell.  I’ve never owned the book.  The sequel I’ve had forever; in fact, I received it for Christmas the year it came out.  This was A BIG DEAL because a brand new hardback book was like $30!  I was 12 years old!  It was literally the only thing I wanted.  I’m a nerd.  No it’s not as good as the original and it’s not fair to compare it.  What it does though is wraps everything up nicely in a pretty bow, and sometimes that’s all you want.  The original copy I had was ruined by some asshole who spilled soda on it so having a new pretty one makes me very, very happy.  (I wasn’t the asshole.  This time.)

I am, and have been since birth, Asian.  I might forget it from time to time but The Asian Grandmother’s Cookbook is the fucking shit.  BUY THIS BOOK.  I borrowed it from the library under the recommendation of Jade Luck Club and holy crap.  It’s amazing.  It literally made me cry, because nothing takes you back home faster than food.  For some people, the saying “you can’t go home again” is true in a literal sense and even thinking about childhood favorites breaks my heart.  Now that my grandmother has passed as well this book really just broke me.  I sent it back to the library after only reading a few pages and flipping through it.  It’s the most authentic Asian cookbook I’ve ever seen.  I’m glad I have it now despite some of the sadness it brings.  I want my kids to be able to have these food memories.  This food should be in their blood like it’s in my blood.  This is probably my most favorite gift ever because now I have an opportunity to pass something on that I thought was lost.

Lastly, check out that awesome puzzle.  I am PUZZLE CRAZY.  I don’t know what it is, but when it’s puzzle time just get the fuck out of my way.  Don’t help me because you really suck.  Only Josh can help because he has my puzzle gene.  The Mr. does NOT have the skillz that our 5 year old has.  But this, this is all mine.  I think I’m going to time this one, because I have got to know how well I can do.  When the kids go to Grandma’s house, I’m going to puzzle. it. up. bitches.

3.) I got even *more* amazing gifts:


Here are the gifts that Josh and Robin made for me while I waited for breakfast.  They’re all awesome and I went ahead and labeled them so you’d know exactly what they were.  The bracelet I thought was pretty clever so I wore it all day and even out to lunch.  Somewhat unrelated, I was able to buy white chalk at Office Depot on my birthday.  Walmart no longer carries chalk WHAT THE FUCK.  I’m so old.

4.)  I had yummies:

We went out to eat at Sake Gura, a local hibachi and sushi place.  I had not had sushi in about 6 years.  DID YOU READ THAT I HADN’T HAD SUSHI IN 6 YEARS UNTIL LAST WEEK.  Maybe that’s why my life has been so weird.  Sushi/sashimi is such a no-no when you’re pregnant and after pregnancy who has the money to go out for sushi and then suddenly you’re pregnant again holy crap you’ll never eat sushi again!  Well I did and I tried to get the kids to promise to eat just one bite for my birthday.  Josh gagged, Robin loved it.  She likes eel and octopus so I’m so happy!  I have a sushi buddy again so you had better believe we’ll be going as often as possible.  Love love love!  I wanted to sit at the hibachi table and it was a fantastic show except for the fact that Josh freaked the fuck out and Robin wrapped herself around me so tight I thought I was going to choke.  It was hilarious.  Fire and kids are hilarious, for real.  Cute moment:  when the guy was done and cleaning up she said “My favorite part was when he cleaned up!”.  You had to be there, I’m sure.  So much food left over:

The important thing was that I didn’t have to make dinner!

5.)  CAKE:

Okay, no picture of the cake.  I made lemon cupcakes with no icing because that’s what I wanted.  I ate the hell out of them, too, hence no pictures.  This was funny though, and I had to snap this quick photo:

Paw? Hand? Foot?

Milk and oil for the cake.  I guess it wanted to give me a birthday high five?

This birthday will be hard to top.  I can honestly say that I got everything I wanted.  Everything I need is right here.