chukichi

this thing is still about things

Tag Archives: family

Smoke

4

How many books have you burned?

Leaf by leaf, page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness, all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding and tear the glue
All of the grief we never even knew
We had it all along
Now it’s smoke

All the things we’ve written in it
Never really happened
All the things we’ve written in it
Never really happened
All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All the people come have gone
No one to forgive – smoke

We will never write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one

Here’s an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
Here’s the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here’s the time we didn’t speak
It seemed for years and years
Here’s a secret
No one will ever know the reasons for the tears
They are smoke

Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when they burn
They travel
Those who say the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is not even past
You keep saying …
We are smoke … smoke … smoke 

Before I get into this post, can I just say Holy Shit Look How Young Ben Folds Is In That Video.  It was 1997.  We all looked so young back then.  Anyway…

The Mr. and I were talking the other day about my childhood and the childhood of my friends.  Just how different our lives are than the one he he had growing up.  How ironic that we (my friends and I) all grew up separately in the same town, leading parallel lives and feeling totally alone.  This song was making me reflective about all the ‘books’ burned throughout my life.

I have had funny little reminders of my grandmother lately.  (Second picture, first vintage linen in lower right hand corner.  My Grandma had those sheets.)  Finding out about her death (none of the how or why, only that it happened), 11 months after the fact, by accident, on fucking Google no less has been…numbing.

You know I'm feeling shitty because there's not snarky thing to say here.

I had to make sure because it didn’t seem possible that this happened and no one in my family told me.  Above is my grandmother and my grandfather (d. 1988).  That’s when I was sure, when I saw their names next to each other.  It’s an indescribable feeling.  I went through all the expected emotions (rage, disbelief, rage, grief, rage, anger, rage) but now there is a serious disconnect in my heart.

Fun fact: my grandfather was cremated and interred in New Orleans; I think his ashes were washed away during Katrina.  No one seems to know.

All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All the people come have gone
No one to forgive – smoke

There is a service in my hometown newspaper to receive a notice when someone’s name shows up in the obituary.  I thought about doing it for my family, but at this point, I don’t think there is a need.

We are smoke

Can’t sleep; raiding

2

Seriously.  Dragons of Atlantis on Facebook is kind of taking over my life.  It’s like a poor man’s Warcraft which is perfect, since I’m a poor man.

Or woman, whatever.

While I wait for my spoils of war, I wanted to share the wonderful treasures that the Mr. was able to salvage via a box of quilt patterns from his Grandmother’s house:

Plain boxes usually have the best stuff. And not just porn.

No one wanted it, which is amazing and sad to me.  I hope that when I die one of my kids or grandkids will want all my inevitable yarn stash, needles and books.  There weren’t just patterns in the box, but recipes and other pieces of awesome.  Vintage awesome.

I think this is a cookbook that came with an appliance?

I have a notebook with cut out recipes, too!!!

A lot of recipes came from the AGL newsletter; check out the date!!

How freaking awesome is this!?!

I am so happy to have gotten this.  I haven’t even had a chance to go through the patterns but as you can see, this stuff is in tip top shape for being so old.  I’m so excited to start going through everything.  Lucky, lucky me!  Everything’s coming up Milhouse!

No Title

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Mildred Brock Burnley
(June 16, 1921 – November 2, 2010)

Mrs. Mildred Brock Burnley, age 89 of Calhoun, passed away Tuesday, November 2, 2010 at Quinton Memorial Health and Rehabilitation in Dalton. She was born in Bradley County, Tennessee on June 16, 1921, daughter of the late William and Cordie Amanda Lewis Brock. In addition to her parents, she was also preceded in death by her husband, Clarence Burnley; brothers, Clarence Brock, D.C. Brock, Cecil Brock, and Carl Brock; sisters, Onie Marie Keith, and Elsie Morrison; and a grandchild. Mrs. Burnley was retired from OJ Mills and was a member of the Belmont Baptist Church.

Survivors include five sons, Leon Isenhower, Adlai Isenhower, Dwight Isenhower, and Ben Isenhower, all of Murray County, and Roger Burnley of Calhoun; four daughters, Oma Jean Brown, Georgia Hudgins, and Elsie Pandessi, all of Calhoun, and Joyce Thomas and her husband Billy of Plainville; and two sisters, Maggie Dooley of Chatsworth, and Kathleen Cantrell of Dalton. Seventeen grandchildren, twenty-three great-grandchildren, and five great-great grandchildren also survive.

The Mr.’s grandmother passed away after a stroke many years ago. Honestly, I think most of the sadness and mourning came first at the beginning when she had her stroke, and then secondly when her memory began to fail. The tragedy is that it all seems very unnecessary. Wasteful. There are lots of “if only”s.

I feel selfish because aside from the fact that it was the Mr.’s grandmother that passed, I keep thinking about what I’ve lost. Selfish, huh. She was a true family matriarch, and unlike some people, accepted me from the beginning if for no other reason than the fact that the Mr. loves me. She reminds me of the true Grandmother type in my mind: makes the best food, makes things with her hands, probably has a garden, great stories, lets you eat a midnight snack when you’d NEVER get to do that at your house.

She made the most incredible quilts. Old school, by hand. I think we have one quilt that saw some machine stitching on. She puts everything I’ve ever cooked or sewn in my whole life to shame. Here are a few examples of quilts that we are honored enough to have:

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The above quilt is a wedding ring quilt that was made for us when we got married. It’s my second favorite. This one is my favorite:

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I put it on my bed recently and Josh came in and literally stopped in his tracks because it’s beautiful and breathtaking. It’s hard to see it all; I think it’s be a more “true” picture if I got it outside in natural light but let’s face it: this quilt is never going to touch anything outside of this house.

There’s so much more to say and nothing left to say. I miss her very much.