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A Tale of Two Steves

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Story Time!  Names have been changed because I’m not interested in talking about other people.  This story is about me–it’s my blog if you didn’t notice.

A very, very long time ago, I knew these two guys named Steve Urkel*.  They were friends, and privately I nicknamed them “Good Steve” and “Bad Steve”.  We’ll talk about Bad Steve first.

Bad Steve, obviously.

Bad Steve was a nice guy, but bad news.  He was a drug dealer.  Not a street corner drug dealer, more of a middle man.  Not a king pin, but doing well enough that I saw money, drugs, and guns.  I distinctly remember video security at his front door, a 9 mm under his pillow and an automatic rifle of some sort in the closet.  Aside from all that, Bad Steve was good looking, nice, personable and liked koalas.  He also liked me well enough that we never really used each other for anything.  This was past my days of drug use.  We enjoyed each other’s company–I was no threat and I didn’t do drugs so he could relax and I thought he was fun and to be perfectly honest, it was exciting to be around someone like that.  I was young, naive, and very, very stupid.

Good Steve with Laura Winslow

Now, Good Steve was friends with Bad Steve which is how I met him.  He was half Filipino and very frat-y and gregarious.  A good talker and good looking and he showed me the kind of attention that made me think he actually interested in me.  (As a side note, I don’t usually know when a guy is interested in me, so I’m going to assume in hindsight that Good Steve was very forward).  We talked a lot and tried to make plans (LIKE A DATE WHAT THE HELL) but either he or I always had something come up.

One night, very late, he gave me a call and wanted to see if he could come over and hang out since we never could meet up.  It was late-late, like 1 or 2 AM.  I scrambled around picking up and hiding my disgusting living conditions to make it look like I was a normal person and not the horrible slob I really am.

He came over with liquor and we stayed up drinking and talking and it was fun.  He told me about his family and how his Mom hated that he never dated Asian girls, how his dad wanted him to go into a specific field of work.  He walked around my apartment and complimented me about my choice of books and movies, but most specifically, he told me he was impressed with my art.  I couldn’t believe it!  I thought he was just being nice but of course inside I was screaming “OH MY GOD I THINK HE LIKES ME” because no matter what age I am, I still think of it as ‘a guy likes me’.

We went out into the stairwell so he could smoke a cigarette even though I said he could smoke in my apartment.  (HOW THOUGHTFUL!)  As we were talking out there, he leaned in and gave me kiss out of the blue.  I asked him what was that for and he replied Just because I wanted to.  (OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD I THINK HE REALLY DOES LIKE ME)

Now, at this point I would like to note that I was technically an adult, but I distinctly remember that I wanted to call my best friend right that second to tell her what happened.

We called each other for dumb things a lot.

Since it was so late, I didn’t call her.  As the night went on, I got progressively more and more drunk and ended up in a bad situation.  I think I mentioned previously that I was young, naive, and very stupid.  Very, very stupid.

That night Good Steve turned into Bad Steve and Bad Steve was suddenly Good Steve.  I never saw or heard from the newly appointed Bad Steve ever again.  Good Steve and I talked and saw each other here and there for a few months after but I never said anything about it because what was I going to say?  I know it wasn’t my fault, but there were a million things I could have/should have done to prevent it.  I don’t even know if Bad Steve knows what happened because he was also very drunk.  I don’t blame him as much as I blame my own poor choices but I don’t beat myself up about it.

This was a very long time ago and as weird as it sounds, it wasn’t so dramatic and I’m not overly traumatized.  I’ve had plenty of other things to ruin me, and in the big scheme of things, Bad Steve is barely a blip on my radar.  The thing that does stick with me and bothers me to this day is that I wonder if he actually thought my art was good or not.

(\/) (°,,,°) (\/)

I know that sounds dumb, but can’t recall actually finishing any original piece of art since that time.  Starts but no finishes.  I will make plans to start a sketchbook.  Draw every day.  And nothing.  It’s been such a long time so I don’t think I can blame Bad Steve Urkel anymore, but I do wonder if he planted that seed of doubt in my head.

I don’t expect to suddenly start churning out amazing pieces of original art just because I came to this conclusion.  It took me almost 20 years to compile this random thought, so maybe in another 20 years I’ll have something tangible to show for it.

Someday.

* The guys I’m talking about are actually not Steve Urkel or Stefan Urquelle.  Just thought I’d make that clear.

I was going to think of a title…

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If you work at PetCo corporate, you get to bring your pets to work EVERY DAY.

Yes, that was random, but I’m distracted. I’m watching Tanked and it’s probably my favorite show right now. It’s no secret that I love my fish, but the upkeep can be cost prohibitive. So, until I have a place that can support thousands of pounds of aquarium, I’ll have to settle for watching TV shows about things I can’t afford. I didn’t mention it (or did I?), but we got a new mascot for the classroom!

Meet Ichigo!

I made the picture sepia toned because I can’t get a good shot of that fish to save my life. He’s bright (strawberry, geddit?) red and he’s super active but the only pictures I seem to be able to get are completely blurry or off color:

He’s not pink. He’s really not. My phone lies. Tank not provided by ATM.

The next thing that’s been occupying my time has been catching up on abandoned manga. I stopped reading certain manga because they reminded me too much of people that are no longer in my life. You know how it is–just too much connection, you know? Thankfully I’m over that and I’m so glad. I am finally caught up all the way on Bleach and Ouran High School Host Club! I think I stopped reading Bleach somewhere around the Fullbring arc and OHSHC somewhere around the end of the first year.

After my own heart.

I actually feel okay about how OHSHC ended. It was adorable and absolutely pulled my heart strings. I found out only today that there is a live action movie–it looks absolutely ridiculous. I think it works much better as an anime and manga; it’s just so cartoon-y and fun.

Bleach is still ongoing and I’m so glad I’ve finally caught myself up. When you were a kid, did you ever hear adults talking and had no idea what they were talking about? You simply didn’t understand because you were too young? I feel like I finally figured out some great secret.

OHMYGODBESTINFORMATIONEVER

I actually read this small section to Josh without revealing all of the other information (he is only now starting the Vaizard arc). I couldn’t help it. I needed someone to scream and jump around with! I didn’t tell him everything of course. I left it somewhere around here:

SQUEEEEEEEE!!

Lastly and leastly, I’ve been fairly obsessed with adult coloring books. Adult as in ‘for grown ups’ not adult as in x-rated. There is only so much coloring you can do on x-rated pictures anyway. The worst part about the coloring is that I think it’s somewhat counter productive. I’m not getting any serious stress relief and it’s actually hurting my hand because I am gripping the markers so tightly.

Absolutely worth it.

I am having a lot of fun, so at the very least, it’s not stressful in the bad way. I’m staying up too late some nights and I get easily distracted during the daytime when I should be preparing lessons or whatnot. But oh well.


The book is called Secret Garden and I like it enough. My biggest complaint is that it’s SO DIFFICULT to color the bound edges; some images go all the way into the binding crease. The markers bleed through so I have to choose which picture I’m going to color. I figured as much and frankly choosing isn’t very difficult for this book. A lot of the pages are ‘draw the rest of the page’ and I came here to showcase my poor coloring skills, not my poor drawing skills thankyouverymuch. I also wish the pages were perforated (which would also address the issue of coloring on the bound edges). The next book I get I’ll color with colored pencil if there are actually pictures on both sides of one page that I’m interested in. I picked this one up on a whim at Target but I’m sure I’ll be more selective with my next purchase. I’m not trying to sound critical, it just comes naturally I guess.

Basically, that’s what I’ve been doing instead of focusing on normal household duties. I also fell down the basement stairs because the HAND RAIL BROKE OFF and I hurt my shoulder. Then just as I was feeling not dead, I had the pukes (allergy related) and got laid up for one more day. In short, I’ve been a mess and a half. My hope is that this week will be  better and more productive barring any debilitating accidents, illness, or major manga story line developments.

Bye! Off to be an adult now!

Artworks of Johnson Tsang

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Sometimes I stumble across things that need to be shared with the world, like Artworks of Johnson Tsang.  I only had the opportunity to work with clay for a short period of time (a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, no less) but it was amazing.  I have no kiln or…well, really any skill but hey, that’s never stopped me before.  I should play around with it again.  This was the blog post that caught my attention via imgur.

I wish I could make a pot.