chukichi

this thing is still about things

Tag Archives: anxiety

That Filler Entry

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What is the word…when you get so overwhelmed you just freeze up?  Like, jammed, but not.  Why do I think it starts with a C?  Used with machinery?

Anyway, my brain is stuck and I don’t know the word that I’m trying to use.  I have, in the last 10 years or so, come to understand that it’s anxiety that leads me to make lists and over plan.  Do you do this?  I do this.  A LOT.

Now, making lists means literally nothing in relation to completing anything on said lists.  But sometimes it’s nice to see that is going on in my brain in a semi-ordered manner, even if it’s temporary.  Every once in a while, I’ll realize that once it’s all written out, there isn’t as much there as I originally thought.  Unfortunately, more often than not, I find that there is so much more going on that I wasn’t even thinking about.

Maybe list making is a bad idea.  Or the best idea ever.

Pressing matters

Anxious

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I’m too unmotivated to even blog.  Surgery tomorrow at the ASS CRACK OF DAWN.

 

I need to clean tanks and do laundry but instead I’m going to take a klonopin and do nothing.

The oldest quilt in the world

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This should not have taken so long to make.

I finally found a work in progress picture of the quilt in question and it’s from April of 2014.  Over a year ago.  Frankly, I thought it would be older than that.  For a normal person, this would have been a weekend project (or faster, probably).  It’s not complicated.  It’s not elaborate.  Log cabins are pretty rudimentary.  And I really, really thought I’d do this one in a timely manner.

I am disappoint.

Pretty much the exact same picture, but quilted and crooked. My children are not the same height, obviously.

Here is the end result, finished in June 2015.  I’m going to guess that this took about 2 years start to finish which is completely awful.  It just sat there and sat there and sat there.  The thing is, I really like how this turned out and I hate that I didn’t finish it in a timely manner.  I am absolutely over thinking it and making something out of nothing, but it’s what I do.

Hold it at the same height? It’s so crazy it just might work!

Yes, those are biker cats on a background of flame, why do you ask?

Truthfully and embarrassingly enough, the motivation to finish the quilt was not the joy of giving something hand made to a friend, but the guilt of having it sit there for literally YEARS.  I also wanted to work on a new project and what kind of asshole would I be if I started a project for myself when I hadn’t even finished a BABY blanket?  I’m the worst.  Ever.  In the history of things, I will be remembered as a monster.

LITERALLY

One positive outcome of this whole fiasco is that it helped me remember why I love doing things like this.  I get to make something with my hands that no one else will ever make.  Each hand made item is unique, full of tiny missteps and mistakes, and ultimately a piece of me.  *cue inspirational music*

Up close detail of binding, partially stitched while waiting at Tae Kwon Do.

Now that I’ve finally overcome the hurdle of the baby blanket, I have started a new project which I have been completely awful at documenting.  I will update later, but here is one picture that was fun and satisfying to take:

pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins

In the mean time, I will work on not being an idiot and hopefully contact my friend before the weekend is over.  Like a rational adult.

EDITED TO ADD:  Wow, those pictures of the finished quilt are totally washed out.  I’m not going to correct them or anything, just use your imagination to see brighter, more saturated colors or possibly of a better photographer.