this thing is still about things

Category Archives: entertainment

I actually have a follow up!


First, I’m sick, and when I’m sick I am COLD.  Cold hands, cold feet, pissier than usual.  I’m wearing LAYERS.  WHAT IN THE ACTUAL GROUCHY FUCK.

Okay, in my previous post On being hungry, I talked about…a lot of horrible crap.  But I found a really important picture:

1998 in my very first apartment

I kept this picture on every fridge I used (I didn’t actually own one until 2003) for years and somehow lost it.  You’d better believe I’m having this re-printed and stuck on the front of my fridge.

In my previous-previous post, How to Buy Friends and Delude Yourself, I talked about being a loser in desperate need of attention.  I did get some validation from the guys at The Cryptonaut Podcast and I’m not going to lie, I might have cried a little bit.  I was just happy to be acknowledged.  It’s right at the beginning, so just listen.

Super great transcription by me:

Mark: Before we get started with this week's episode we got some shout outs to give to some super awesome listeners that sent us some super cool presents. Chu Brown!

Rob: Unfuckingbelievable

Chris: Oh my god.

Mark: Chu Brown with the Kraken Rum

Rob: How could she know?  I mean of course it's a cryptid, it's a cryptid so she's thinking...but little could she imagine that well nigh a decade ago Chris and I one slammed, just annihilated a bottle--I think it was mid afternoon, I think we were sitting at your kitchen island-

Chris: probably

Rob: -working on a screenplay about an anti-Noah's ark as we were wont to do in our misspent youth. And we just polished off an entire bottle of Kraken and I have not had a sip of it since.  It is amongst the favorite things I can ever put in my mouth.

They go on to discuss the how Chu Brown should be a 70’s private eye show and I agree wholeheartedly.  I don’t think I can grow a proper mustache but maybe that can be corrected in make up.  Also, to answer the question of how could she know?  Well…

I really do feel so happy (and relieved) when people like the gifts I give them, but regardless of whether it’s a stranger or a friend I’ve had since grade school or my husband of a million years I’m sure they all secretly hate everything.  That every item or gesture or attempt at doing a nice thing is perceived as me being at best a total fucking idiot.  My rational brain tells me that that’s silly, and that I should trust that if someone says they like their gift that means they actually like it so I will grit my teeth and do my best to believe that.

I really am glad they liked their gift.

How to Buy Friends and Delude Yourself


Not as popular (yet!) as How to Win Friends and Influence People, but the year just started, okay?

I have a psychological problem in that I see things that make me think of other people.  Crazy, right?

Oh, Richard would love this!
I want to make that for Cheryl!
Aww, that’s Amy’s favorite color.  Still hate that bitch, though.

And this wouldn’t be a problem because people like things and I like to give things.  I mean, it’s not a problem until it’s a problem.  For example:  Once upon a time, I worked in a customer call center for a decent sized company.  Of course I knew my immediate co-workers and knew or knew of people in the departments that shared my building.  Since our building was administrative, we shared space with IT, marketing, sales (but not accounting, what?) and were right next door to the shipping building.  Add to the fact that you had to go through my department to get to the break room and you’d find yourself hanging around trying to avoid work with people from all over the building.

On my lunch break one day, I went to Target to waste money and I found a decent sized whiteboard on clearance.  It had a very trendy at the time hibiscus flower/surfer design on it and was ridiculous sale for $2-ish.  So I bought it, thinking of a girl in a different department that I saw all the time and got along with well.  Let’s be clear:  we were just work acquaintances but didn’t think anything of seeing something, thinking of her, and buying said thing for her.  She was very confused, try to pay me for it, and I think was just felt generally awkward about it.  We are still social media friends and comment to each other from time to time though she’s since moved to Europe for her career.

And then there was the time I gave a hand made cross stitch Christmas ornament to a couple that were friends of a friend.  Doesn’t sound too crazy, but were strictly online friends.  My husband warned me that it was weird and creepy and not to do it, but my compulsion runs strong and deep.  They loved it and that was maybe 12?  13 years ago?  I’m still friends with one (they broke up o_O) to this day and I still send weird creeper gifts from time to time.

And then there was that time I hand knit a baby blanket for a girl I went to high school with. We had one class together when I was a sophomore.  We had a fun and interesting connection as adults and we chat from time to time online, but hopefully you see what I’m getting at.

Love this style of blanket!

I just do it because I want to, because something makes me think of this person and that connection gets made in my brain very quickly.  I’m not doing it for any other reason than I want to do something for my friends, the people I care about.  Here’s the thing though: I have that deep seated (or is the term deep seeded?) fear that someone will try to call me out on:  that I do it for attention, to insert myself into people’s lives, that I’m desperate for attention, and every other negative thing that could be motivating me.  It’s really not anything like that and more than anything, these thoughts are a by product of anxiety and skewed self image.

But….now I’m branching off into pseudo-celebrity notice-me-senpai territory.  I’m a big fan of podcasts but this past year (2018) I’ve been pretty obsessed with The Cryptonaut Podcast.  I enjoy it very much, it’s a small trio (vs a bigger production like Parcast or something similar).  When entertainment is produced on such a small scale, it’s easier to feel connected with the makers which is probably why I sent them a gift for New Year’s.  Nothing expensive, but something that I think all three will enjoy while also being relevant (in name at least) to their podcast.

It’s basically a tangible way for me to say thank you for all of the entertainment.  I also got a couple tee shirts for Christmas and they’re great because I’m a dork.  Go buy all of them because they’re neat-o.


I need to make a comprehensive list of stuff I like because that’s what blog are for, right?


Happily Random


This song seems terrible at first, sacrilegious as some would say.  Even while I laugh, I get that feeling that I might just cry towards the end because the song is actually quite beautiful.

The books you think I wrote are way too thick
Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn’t be a dick?
And I don’t watch you when you sleep
Surprisingly I don’t use my omnipotence to be a fucking creep

You’re not going to heaven
Why the fuck would you think I’d ever kick it with you?
None of you are going to heaven
There’s a trillion aliens cooler than you

You shouldn’t abstain from rape just cause you think that I want you to
You shouldn’t rape cause rape is a fucked up thing to do
(Pretty obvious, just don’t fucking rape people. Didn’t think I had to write that one down for you.)

I don’t think masturbation is obscene
It’s absolutely natural and the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever seen
You make my job a living hell
I sent gays to fix overpopulation
Boy did that go well

You’re not going to heaven
Eat a thousand crackers sing a million hymns
None of you are going to heaven
You’re not my children
You’re just a bad game of Sim

You shouldn’t abstain from pork just cause you think that I want you to
You can eat pork cause why the fuck would I give a shit?
(I created the universe, think I’m drawing the line at the fucking deli aisle?)

You argue and you bicker and you fight
Atheists and Catholics, Jews and Hindus argue day and night
Over what they think is true
But no one entertains the thought of maybe God does not believe in you
You pray so badly for heaven
Knowing any day might be the day that you die
But maybe life on earth could be heaven
Doesn’t just the thought of it make it worth a try?

My love’s the type of thing that you have to earn and when you earn it
You won’t need it
My love’s the type of thing that you have to earn and when you earn it
You won’t need it

I’m not gonna give you love just cause I know that you want me to
If you want love then the love’s gotta come from you