this thing is still about things

How to Buy Friends and Delude Yourself


Not as popular (yet!) as How to Win Friends and Influence People, but the year just started, okay?

I have a psychological problem in that I see things that make me think of other people.  Crazy, right?

Oh, Richard would love this!
I want to make that for Cheryl!
Aww, that’s Amy’s favorite color.  Still hate that bitch, though.

And this wouldn’t be a problem because people like things and I like to give things.  I mean, it’s not a problem until it’s a problem.  For example:  Once upon a time, I worked in a customer call center for a decent sized company.  Of course I knew my immediate co-workers and knew or knew of people in the departments that shared my building.  Since our building was administrative, we shared space with IT, marketing, sales (but not accounting, what?) and were right next door to the shipping building.  Add to the fact that you had to go through my department to get to the break room and you’d find yourself hanging around trying to avoid work with people from all over the building.

On my lunch break one day, I went to Target to waste money and I found a decent sized whiteboard on clearance.  It had a very trendy at the time hibiscus flower/surfer design on it and was ridiculous sale for $2-ish.  So I bought it, thinking of a girl in a different department that I saw all the time and got along with well.  Let’s be clear:  we were just work acquaintances but didn’t think anything of seeing something, thinking of her, and buying said thing for her.  She was very confused, try to pay me for it, and I think was just felt generally awkward about it.  We are still social media friends and comment to each other from time to time though she’s since moved to Europe for her career.

And then there was the time I gave a hand made cross stitch Christmas ornament to a couple that were friends of a friend.  Doesn’t sound too crazy, but were strictly online friends.  My husband warned me that it was weird and creepy and not to do it, but my compulsion runs strong and deep.  They loved it and that was maybe 12?  13 years ago?  I’m still friends with one (they broke up o_O) to this day and I still send weird creeper gifts from time to time.

And then there was that time I hand knit a baby blanket for a girl I went to high school with. We had one class together when I was a sophomore.  We had a fun and interesting connection as adults and we chat from time to time online, but hopefully you see what I’m getting at.

Love this style of blanket!

I just do it because I want to, because something makes me think of this person and that connection gets made in my brain very quickly.  I’m not doing it for any other reason than I want to do something for my friends, the people I care about.  Here’s the thing though: I have that deep seated (or is the term deep seeded?) fear that someone will try to call me out on:  that I do it for attention, to insert myself into people’s lives, that I’m desperate for attention, and every other negative thing that could be motivating me.  It’s really not anything like that and more than anything, these thoughts are a by product of anxiety and skewed self image.

But….now I’m branching off into pseudo-celebrity notice-me-senpai territory.  I’m a big fan of podcasts but this past year (2018) I’ve been pretty obsessed with The Cryptonaut Podcast.  I enjoy it very much, it’s a small trio (vs a bigger production like Parcast or something similar).  When entertainment is produced on such a small scale, it’s easier to feel connected with the makers which is probably why I sent them a gift for New Year’s.  Nothing expensive, but something that I think all three will enjoy while also being relevant (in name at least) to their podcast.

It’s basically a tangible way for me to say thank you for all of the entertainment.  I also got a couple tee shirts for Christmas and they’re great because I’m a dork.  Go buy all of them because they’re neat-o.


I need to make a comprehensive list of stuff I like because that’s what blog are for, right?


4 thoughts on “How to Buy Friends and Delude Yourself

  1. xingible

    You are just a lovely and generous person!!! I once know this younger girl who REALLY, REALLY value eating-together time. Even when she is poor, she would treat a small group. Some folks will see her as desperate and sad and I am sure there are people who leveraged on her kindness. But she taught me something important, that food is precious (think about being hungry and unable to eat) and time eating with friends are really precious. I really grew to JUDGE people from their eating habits with family and friends.

  2. Pingback: I actually have a follow up! – chukichi

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