Ramble time: I made short work of the rest of Academ’s Fury and Cursor’s Fury. I’m in line for Captain’s Fury. I’m able to knock them out in about two days per book. Oh! I also read Side Jobs on Saturday in between football plays. If I hadn’t been working on birthday knitting or screaming at the TV, I’d probably go faster. I wish I could read everything with such speed and gusto. I’d be s-m-r-t. But instead of say, reading a textbook, I read the sample chapters and get all fan-girly. One of these days I may grow up, but today will not be that day. I picked up Blood Rites today but I am forcing myself to hold it as a reward for finishing a few other books first. Uuuuugh, crap.
I’m feeling all stupid and lonely. Well, stupid is a pretty standard thought, but the lonely is something that I can usually push away with enough distraction. It’s just not always easy.
1. This is either the best or worst feature of Facebook yet:
The seen with no reply. “Maybe this is her subtle way of trying to ditch you?” I don’t remember what that quote is from, but it’s applicable. People get busy and the question wasn’t terribly important. I’m not mad, it just…stings. I often send messages to my friends just telling them that I’m thinking of them, especially if it seems like they’re going through a particularly rough patch. Lately I’ve gotten no response at all. From my actual friends. People I know in real life. I give people the benefit of the doubt; probably too much benefit it seems. People are busy and wrapped up in their own thing. It’s expected and in a way understandable. But it’s embarrassing to me. Like the universe wanted to remind me that I’m unimportant.
2. I’m currently stalking one person. It’s not you, I promise. I have so much useless pride in what he’s doing. I want to tell the world about him, I want to support him and I can’t. It’s best if he doesn’t remember me at all, because there is nothing I can offer him that he doesn’t have in his life already. It’s painful to even look at him, because it reminds me of ghosts. I can’t stop though.
It’s not a creepy overly attached girlfriend obsession, by the way. It’s a creepy platonic thing.
3. I am trying to find some little niche in the part of town I’m in. I need friends, my kids need friends, my dog needs friends. The cat is happy just doing his own thing. As I’ve mentioned, we home school which has finally started to show some results. Maybe. Kind of. But nothing replaces good old social interaction and play time. And the kids need some of that, too. Everything in my area is so…not for us. We are quite secular (does that really need to be said? Shit fuck damn.) Unless I want to drive an hour+ to participate in a home school social group, I’m regulated to religious groups. Let’s make one thing perfectly clear: I’m not anti-religion. I am, however, wary, so let’s just leave it at that. There was one group that looked good but they are specifically Afrocentric. There was another group but they were specifically for Islamic girls. Then all the Christian groups. The ones that say “_________________ but all are welcome”. That’s an awfully big but you have there. Statements of faith, man. And then there’s the whole part of me that’s a full on bitch-ass snob:
How are you home schooling if you don’t know how to use an apostrophe? I have typos and flubs all the time in my shitty little blog THAT IS NOT MY LIVELIHOOD. It’s your fucking business, it’s how you support your family and you can’t be bothered to check your advertisement? I also don’t approve of that terrible color combination, but that’s just aesthetics. Maybe it’s a regional quirk? I saw a sign that said “We are ready for our two favorite season’s – fall and football”.
Also, I looked at every kind of meet up and nada. There was an interracial family group meet up, but it’s a group comprised solely of African-American/________________ families. None of the things I’m bitching about are bad (except the apostrophe thing, holy fuck) but they’re not for my family. The point is to find a place where I can fit in. Or at the very lease, where my kids can fit in. Ugh. I’m not giving up, just feeling a bit defeated at the moment.
Farts. Or, fart’s. See? I’m trying.