It all started on a very chilly morning some time last week. I took Wendy out for a walk and was suddenly overcome with the realization that I have totally been neglecting the opportunity for infinite wiener jokes.
I have had this dog for MONTHS now and have yet to make wiener jokes a regular thing. It’s like I don’t even know myself anymore.
- Sometimes when I’m bored I just lay in bed and gently stroke my wiener.
- My wiener is kind of thick but no one seems to mind.
- When my wiener is excited it’s hard to wrestle even with both hands.
On this same ridiculously silly day, while getting dressed to run errands, I realized I had missed the opportunity to make an awesome Boob Grinch joke.
The silliness is a feeble attempt to counteract the other garbage, like my good friend Night Terrors. Right now it’s hit and miss which is a million times worse than having them on a regular basis. I’ve probably said the opposite before (ie: rather have them once and a while vs all the time) but having a normal night’s sleep is so deceptive. Suddenly:
Not sleeping is also creeping into my holiday procrastination. As if pretending Thanksgiving isn’t this week will somehow magically extend this year. I’m a bit worn from the complete non-stop of it all.
On the other hand, this year has really sucked so maybe it’s best it’s over sooner rather than later. Fuck that, too:
I guess it’s time to actually sleep or at least pretend to for the next few hours. Things will be happening in the next few weeks, so I’m sure I’ll have something to say.