this thing is still about things



So I decided to spend some money today and buy 88 cents worth of craft paint and make me a shirt. A badly made shirt. Give me a break, it’s been what, ten years since I’ve silkscreened? And let’s face it, it’s not like I’m particularly stocked for such. So, without further ado, here is how to make your own badly made shirt:

1. Start with a clever phrase or image printed on the computer or drawn by hand:

2. Normally, you’d print this on acetate but we have to use what we have. If you had contact paper, that would be great, too. Otherwise, use some clear packing tape and tape both sides of the image as shown:

3. On a safe cutting surface, use a straight edge and a craft/Xacto knife to carefully cut out the letters. Or, use a plastic lid and a stray razor with no handle just for the excitement of it all:

4. If you are smart and plan ahead, you will leave little support bars on letters that have center cut outs like the “O”. If you are a big dummy, you will just go crazy and cut them all the way out like the “B”:

5. Once you realize your error, take an extraordinary amount of time trying to fix your mistake, all the while knowing you’re wasting your time because you’re just going to totally screw it up in the end:

6. Eyeball the center of the shirt because you’re too lazy to take any measurements. Slide something non-porous and cleanable/disposable inside the tee shirt (I used the plastic lid) and secure the tee shirt snuggly using tape, binder clips, Jesus and black magic. Tape your stencil to wherever you feel like. Do not take pictures as this would have been helpful.

7. Paint. Ideally, you should have an idea of what colors will go where. Then, get distracted and start painting part of your design the completely wrong color:

8. Voila! You have a badly made shirt to hang on your front door to ward off evil!

Please tell me you “get” this shirt. I’ve already heard “what does that mean?”

Oh, and I really like these colors. Blue for the baby, red because it’s my favorite color, and the end result (though not intentional) reminds me of the Bleach logo. Yay!

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