Teh internets (or at least, teh internets of my friends) are abuzz with a recent post by Rants from Mommyland and while I don’t religiously follow that blog, I totally know where she’s coming from. As do pretty much everyone else I know. But I also feel like a phony in every other aspect of my life: work, crafting, wifing, blogging, etc. Here is a lame fail moment for me:

There is a knitter who’s blog I read regularly. She lives in Georgia, not so far from where I live (an hour at the most?). She is awesome and does awesome things and is just the type that’s so cute and cool and you want to hate her but you really just want to be her. I comment sometimes on her blog and I followed her on Twitter–you couldn’t just follow her, she had to approve you like it was some exclusive club. And she approved me! And I was in! I felt so cool because I’m a knitter and I’m a blogger and she just had a baby and I’m a mom. It was just nice having so much in common with someone that I thought was so cool. Like it somehow made me cool, like it made being a nerd okay because she was SO NOT a nerd but she liked nerdy things and made them cool and ohai i’m awkward.

So one day, she posted a question on twitter and I responded as did three other people. So four people, in total, responded to her tweet. After a while, she tweeted a thanks to the people that had responded. To everyone. Except for me.

It wasn’t as if she had gotten a ton of responses. It made me feel so bad. Like I sat down at the lunch table and everyone else got up and left. I felt embarrassed in a way that I probably shouldn’t have, but again, I’m awkward and in high school in my mind and I’m still always going to be the kid that no one likes.

I stopped following her twitter, by the way. 🙁

I felt stupid because I like the idea that the web is a sort of community but everywhere I turn it’s all cliquey and stupid and like Mommyland said:
I’ve always been awkward like that. I wore the wrong clothes, and I always said something completely random that made people wonder if I’d recently suffered some sort of head trauma. I tried too hard when that wasn’t cool, and I didn’t care when I was supposed to.

I’d ask her to be my friend but she’s too cool to be my friend so I’ll just sit here and be a big fat phony.


Post Author: chukichi

2 thoughts on “Phony


    (November 15, 2010 - 12:41)

    Oh girl. We are SO MUCH the same. So very, very much.
    Except that I don’t do manga or anime. Although I do watch a lot of court TV, which is probably about equal on the nerdy scale…

    […] gift worthy. The recipient loved it and I know that’s what matters, but I still feel like a big fat phony. Here are some finished […]

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